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Tiff

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April 28th, 2013

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Dear Livejournal, I am content.

I don't think I've ever written that before.

November 22nd, 2011

So I read through all my old journal entries from college. There were tears and laughs, and I took a little trip into my past--where a hug and a good laugh were down the hall, where I met my first love and had my first heart break, where I met people that forever changed the the fabric of my life. It was a beautiful and bittersweet journey. 

Things have changed, as they tend to do. I'm happier now, stronger, a little bit smarter and I'm much more mature. I have a job that I love, teaching kids with Autism and my family to closer than ever. And meeting my fiancee brought me to an ever higher level of happiness. Though life is never perfect, I feel more intact than I've ever been. 

Two years ago, I was basically homeless, jobless and well, hopeless. I made attempts to kill myself. I can't even imagine if I had finished the job. I wouldn't have this life and I would have destroyed my family. I wouldn't have Beth...

Okay, so this was a weird, little entry, but once in a while, it's nice to reflect. I'm so proud of myself and my journey. This is the kind of success they don't teach you in college. 

I don't write in this very often, so the next time I do, I will probably be Mrs. Tiffany Phillips-Goodman. :)

Until then, love and blessings. <3

September 13th, 2010

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It's been a wickedy while since I've updated this whoosey. With the fifty hours a week the work, the girlfriend and the fam, I have pretty much no time to even tie my shoes, let alone write in this, Tonight though, I'm sitting in the gf's apartment while she watches Monday Night Football, so I figure what the hell.

Work is annoying. Life is busy. My new car is awesome...and my new girlfriend is...le sigh. It's love. We're just really comfortable together. We fight and bicker and laugh and drink and take road trips...everything just feels really right. So yay.

In other news, I bought a new car--a 2002 Elantra that's flaming red and hauls ass. It's love. We were meant to be together.

My birthday is in  few days. I'm coming to grips with being 25 the best way I know how--throwing a wild, gay party and getting completely shitfaced with my loves. I dion't know...we always feel like there's so much time, but it feels like time is just slipping away. I need to come up with a game plan over the next year. I think I want to travel, my heart does anyway. I want to go back to Amsterdam or go on a cross-country adventure, Stay tuned, I guess.

On a differerent note, my best friend, my other other half, my kindred spirit of fourteen years is leaving me. Brandon James Armstrong-Lohan is moving to Colorado. Devastated. I'm happy for him, but so sad for me. I know B and Mike will do well out there though and this is not an opp they can pass up.  But when he leaves, a piece of me will leave with him. The comfort I have exists lies in the knowledge that our friendship is strong and our love for each other can stand up to any distance that comes between us.


That's pretty much all I've got. Going to check out some hydroponics on the Worldwide Interwebs.

<3 Miss Tiff

June 18th, 2010

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This is stupid. Let's just be together.


Faithfully
Journey

Highway run into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You're on my mind

Restless hearts sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love along the wire

They say that the road
ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line it's been you and me
And loving a music man
ain't always what it's supposed to be

Oh girl you stand by me
I'm forever yours faithfully

Circus life under the big top world
We all need the clowns to make us smile
ooooh through space and time (through space and time)
Always another show wondering where I am lost without you

And being a part ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you

Oh girl you stand by me
I'm forever yours faithfully

June 5th, 2010

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Please forgive me Jebus for I have sinnnnnned:


I've worked too much.
I've learned the art of fake smiling...learned, practiced, and perfected.
I've craved another human being.
I've wanted to beat up my friend's husband.
I've smoked a lot of pot.
I've slept with someone to forget about someone else.
I've partied with drag queens.
I've made out with a boy...and hated it.
I've fallen with a friend, even though I know it's stupid.

...and P.S. I kind of don't care.

P.P.S. I care that I don't care.
 


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Stories Inspired by Music

 

Break Even

The Script

 

“But I love you,” I whispered.

 

“I know you love me.” She bent down to my level as I sat there on our couch, in our living room, staring at my bare feet, “but I’m not sure I can handle this kind of love.”

 

I looked at her through glossy, unshed tears. I tried memorizing her features—the high point of her nose, her flushed cheeks, her chocolate eyes—everything, that I knew I was never going to be close enough to bear witness to again.

 

“It just got too intense,” she added with a sigh and rested her damp palm on my hand.

 

I shook my head, oddly understanding everything. There were things I couldn’t help myself from feeling and I knew that I would need to pull myself together from the pieces I had I become.

 

In our last romantic moment she knelt to the floor and lay her forehead against mine. I felt her soft lips press against my skin, followed by her warm breath against my ear.

 

“Be well.” She whispered.

 

I closed my eyes and like her features, I memorized her sounds as she walked out the door.


January 26th, 2010


So lots of things going on right now. Life is hectic and complicated, but it is a million times better than last year. I just got a job as an  assistant manager for Brueggers which I'm stoked about--good pay, good bennies. Writing is always going to be there, so don't you worry about me! Ugh and other news I'm still fat, which drives me nuts when I look at pictures of senior year at BPC.  I seriously cannot stop eating. My friend Lynne and I are talking about going to Eaters Anonymous...no joke. I'm still going to church and support group. I haven't given up on those.

I'm recovering from strep which has been a blast, let me tell you. I love waking up and not being able to breathe because my throat is swollen. Sooooo much fun. Haha. Whatever...it has given me an excuse to eat a box of cherry popsicles in two days. Swank! 

I just got the go ahead to get my time off for the Bahamas. Chapple is taking Chandler and me on a cruise. Stoked! T-minus 40 days. Hollerrrr.

I'm sort of seeing someone. Her name is Jaime, but I'm just tired of taking it slow all the time. I want someone who wants what I want...for someone to say, "I want you to be my girlfriend." Is that too much to ask? I really shouldn't complain about Jaime though. She's a fantastic person. She's an amazing musician, a kind soul and she's funny as hell. But the other day she tells me she is used to being the other woman...? What does that mean? Eh, I think someone might thrive on conflict...I'm trying not to get too attached, because as much as I like Jaime, I've learned the dangers of dissapointment. In the end, even if this doesn't pan out, I'm going to be okay.

This year, it's about starting from square one. Sometimes you just have to move back to start in order to move forward. I'm slowly building my way up and I know it's not going to happen overnight, but I just want to believe it's going to happen.




 


January 1st, 2010

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I’ve been chewed up,

Spit out,

Cheated on,

Lied to.

Brainwashed and used.

 

Don’t worry.

You’re not the first.

But you were the last.

 

You use games as your weapon.

And because you left me with wounds to nurse.

I’m gonna cut you with my words.

 

If you I have to be solo, at least I’ll be free.

Stupid, stupid words meant for me.

 

You want to be free?

Take to the sky.

I’ll take to my own.

This is my time to shine.

 

Don’t call me baby.

Don’t tell me I’m crazy,

When exhibit A says you’re to blame.

 

Go.

Go ahead.

Tell yourself you weren’t wrong.

That those weren’t games you were playin’.

And those weren’t excuses you were sayin’.

 

Keep lying to yourself, please.

That’s fine.

But don’t waste my time.

Just leave.

 

Don’t worry about hurting my pride.

You want to be free?

Go fly!


Letter to You.

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Dear "You",

I'm writing this letter to let you know that I am through with mindgames. I've been chewed up by girls and spit out on more than one ocassion, but this is ridiculous. You invite me to meet your friends on New Years, you kiss me and tell me you're happy I'm here, then you ignore me for the whole night. You won't except my Christmas present or the corsage I bought you and then post an FB status saying, "Even if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free. I let you back into my life, open my heart to you, and you do this! Psssh. Well, at least I've changed. I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm not going to stay in bed for days. I'm going to go hang with my friends and family and be the same awesome person I've always been. This is the last time you fuck with my heart.

You want to be free? Go fly!

Tiff

December 20th, 2009

Massive brain dump.

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I am so fustrated right now. All I want to do is crawl in a bed somewhere beside youand fall asleep and I can't because you haven't talked to me in days. I don't want to be a stalker and I don't want to text you every five minutes, even though I think about you roughly that much. I don't want to fall apart over a girl and I refuse to...absolutely refuse to. I will never do that again. Why do you have to be so amazing? Why can't you just be the one that I spend the rest of my life with. Be the one, so I don't have to do this anymore. Call me. Stop fustrating me, stop playing mind games, stop...

And you just texted me...well...nevermind.
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